Romancing The Hop: What Makes BDSM Romantic?

When I decided to participate in the Romancing the Hop blog hop, I was drawn by the subject of the hop -- Romance. I've always read, but romance has been my favorite genre since I read my first one when I was twelve. It's not just the happily ever after that gets me. It's the relationship developed between the main characters and their self-awareness. And yes, my interest in romance eventually led to my writing it.

I write romance.

I write erotic romance.

I write BDSM erotic romance.

I write BDSM erotic romance.

I write erotic romance.

I write romance.

I sometimes think I should adopt this as my personal mantra. Whether repeated forwards or in reverse order, to me, romance is the key. It can be found in a butterfly soft kiss, the touch of a hand, the smack of a paddle, or the crack of a whip. Whichever way the emotional connection is established and communicated between two individuals, it reflects two things: Trust and Respect.

Trust and respect. It seems like a simple enough equation: Trust + Respect = Love/Romance. I mean, a person has to trust and respect themselves before they can love themselves. And a person has to love themselves before they can actually love another. At least that's the theory, right?

That's what I find so cool about writing romance. Sometimes an author runs across a character that hasn't discovered how lovable they are. It takes the trust and respect shown to them by someone else to trigger those same emotions in themselves. The happily ever after doesn't come until the the characters trust and respect themselves to love and be loved.

I think this need for trust and respect for oneself and others is what draws me to writing kink. In BDSM, trust and respect are important components of a power exchange relationship. The Dominant must trust and respect the ability of the submissive to make rational, informed, and reasonable decisions on what s/he will participate in. At the same time, the submissive has to trust and respect that the Dominant is capable of doing the same. Add romance to the mix and the stakes can be upped. Due to the inherent need for trust and respect between the participants, readers can more clearly visualize the growing emotions between characters.

So, when some people ask "What makes BDSM romantic?" or "How can getting spanked be romantic?" I point out trust and respect.

Now, on to the part everyone is really interested in -- the contests.

Romancing the Hop has three great prizes, you only need to leave a comment on any of the 207 blogs participating. The more you comment the more chances you have to win. Make sure you leave your email address in your comment so you can be included in the drawing. No email, no entry.

1st Grand Prize: A Kindle Fire or Nook Tablet

2nd Grand Prize: A $130 Amazon or B&N Gift Card

3rd Grand Prize: The following Swag Pack!

My contest is similar. Same rule -- no email, no entry. Leave a comment with your email in it. I'm giving away a messenger bag, with a felt sleeve for a computer (max size for sleeve is 15.5"), a pen, Diablo Blanco Club sticky notes, and a key chain wallet. Here's a picture of my prize:

Click on the Romancing the Hop picture to go to the list of other blogs participating. You have until September 3, 2012 to enter. I'll announce the winner of my prize here and on my Facebook page on Tuesday, September 4th.

Enjoy and Good Luck!!

Q